i love the arbinger institute! it's amazing. everytime i read i learn something i have NEVER thought of before and it is really refreshing.
today i'm reading about forgiveness, which i think is good to think about this time of year. and to share something a little personal, a few years ago i received a blessing from a really wonderful friend, and in that blessing he said something so specific to me. he told me i needed to forgive the people in my life i hadn't forgiven already. really? there are people that i haven't forgiven? who is that? i don't have any grudges or hard feelings against anyone. do i have hard feelings against someone? that's what i was thinking as the words were coming out and sinking into my head.
and then almost as if in answer to my question came the words, "the people you need to forgive in your life are you parents."
no way! really? crazy, i didn't even know i was upset with them? i don't feel like i am.
so that happened several years ago, i think it was 2008, or maybe even 2007. but then a few months ago i was in church and we were reading in the new testament, and i learned this really interesting thing about forgiveness, and what giving our forgiveness may involve.
2 Corinthians 2:7-8
7| so that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, AND comfort him, lest perhaps [or else] such a one [the person you haven't forgiven] should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.
8| wherefore i beseech you [and now this forgiveness involves] that ye would confirm your love toward him.
interesting. and what i personally learned from that is in order to forgive other, my parents, i not only need to forgive them, but part of forgiving is confirming (i love that word confirm) my love for them to them. which honestly i am not always very good it. but it is something to learn and i am grateful for a life to learn it.
anyway, here is what arbinger says about forgiveness that i really liked that adds a few other thoughts/ideas..
when we forgive genuinely, those we formerly accused suddenly become real for us. we sense their insecurity and anxiety; we perceive something of their struggle to show themselves as worthy and acceptable. . . .
you can see that in an unexpected and odd way we owe to the people we are able to forgive a very large debt. no matter how reprehensibly they may have treated us, they have provided us with a gift. the gift is their humanity. without their humanity to which we are able to open ourselves, we cannot get ourselves emotionally unstuck no matter how we might try. we cannot do it by denying or repressing our feelings or by willing ourselves to feel differently--feelings are subject to our indirect but not our direct control. we are able to do it only by recognizing, respecting, and yes, revering other as they reallya re, in the fullness of their humanity and vulnerability.
SO good. :)
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
lessons and arbinger
a few days ago while i was exercising i was also reading the bonds that make us free. i actually have never read the entire book before, but i really love arbinger in general and terry warner! there are so many good parts but something that i wanted to share in particular is about the process of progression and selfishness. here's what he says...
some of us who are seeking to maintain ourselves in our new, more open way of being get tripped up by our anxiety to measure our progress [so true! i know i do that:)]. we want to know how we're doing. but worrying too much about such things means we're probably still too self-absorbed to maintain whatever change of heart we may have experienced. . . .
there's nothing wrong with goals so long as we don't pursue them to prove we're something we're not. but turning the maintenance of the change of heart into a project with measurable steps of achievement usually requires a pretty heavy focus on oneself. this produces a counterfeit of change.
what then do we focus on if not a goal? part of the answer is we do not think of ourselves as a "force on the move" toward some important objective. instead, we feel still, inwardly still.
ask yourself, who is the person i really need to be? is it a being who can come into existence ONLY by determined, gritty effort? No. on reflection it is more likely we will see the person i need to be is who i am already--or MORE accurately, who i will be IF i cease trying to display myself as worthy and acceptable and thus make myself into a grotesque distortion of who i really am. . . . we become most ourselves, without distortion, when we relax our frantic effort to justify ourselves and allow ourselves to simply be still.
i love arbinger. it's so wise and so right on with things. i don't know a better way to describe it and i don't really feel a need to bc i think "the things speaks for itself." :) another law school thing, sorry i can't help it. it just comes into my head.
you should read this! :)
some of us who are seeking to maintain ourselves in our new, more open way of being get tripped up by our anxiety to measure our progress [so true! i know i do that:)]. we want to know how we're doing. but worrying too much about such things means we're probably still too self-absorbed to maintain whatever change of heart we may have experienced. . . .
there's nothing wrong with goals so long as we don't pursue them to prove we're something we're not. but turning the maintenance of the change of heart into a project with measurable steps of achievement usually requires a pretty heavy focus on oneself. this produces a counterfeit of change.
what then do we focus on if not a goal? part of the answer is we do not think of ourselves as a "force on the move" toward some important objective. instead, we feel still, inwardly still.
ask yourself, who is the person i really need to be? is it a being who can come into existence ONLY by determined, gritty effort? No. on reflection it is more likely we will see the person i need to be is who i am already--or MORE accurately, who i will be IF i cease trying to display myself as worthy and acceptable and thus make myself into a grotesque distortion of who i really am. . . . we become most ourselves, without distortion, when we relax our frantic effort to justify ourselves and allow ourselves to simply be still.
i love arbinger. it's so wise and so right on with things. i don't know a better way to describe it and i don't really feel a need to bc i think "the things speaks for itself." :) another law school thing, sorry i can't help it. it just comes into my head.
you should read this! :)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
things i'm learning ab christmas :)
lately i've been thinking about what christmas really means to me. tonight at institute we talked a lot about the ways we felt about christmas as a little kid. i thought about it and i remember last year thinking maybe christmas was just more fun as a little kid! sad!
but this past week i have realized that i think christmas is just starting to mean more to me.
something i felt really strong tonight--so amazing--and maybe it's not super christmas related, but it definitely is christ related, i just realize i am so grateful for my trials. and i'm not just saying that! or trying to tell myself that when i don't really believe it. the reason i felt that, which i've felt it before, but tonight in particular is because i noticed that i often just feel this new convert feeling. i just feel like i'm glowing inside and out and i feel such a deep love for the savior and his atonement bc i've learned how much i needed it. anyway, i realized it is BECAUSE of my trials that i am constantly turned to the atonement and i love feeling it in my life and seeing it change me little by little. in other words, BUT FOR my trials (haha! i'm a law school nerd ;D) i would not be able to have that new convert feeling with bright eyes and filling full of truth and light.
so i basically wanted to say--i am grateful for my trials. they have turned me to the savior, to love and appreciate and to know him, and to know more fully myself. i know that he knows our most sincere and righteous desires and that he is doing everything he can for us (thanks catie ^^).
and i just wanted to say i am so grateful for people in my life who are always teaching me things. thanks you! i learn so much from you! and you didn't even know it :)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
something new :)
tonight i participated in my first oral argument.
i was arguing the side of Hosanna-Tabor Evangelical Lutheran Church and School against a professor i'm ta'ing for, who was representing the side of Cheryl Perich, a former teacher for the school. the case was recently heard by the us supreme court and concerns whether and to what the degree the government can be involved in church employment issues. if you're interested you can fine a basic summary here.
so besides being a really interesting case i also had a few thoughts.
1. the role of an attorney vs. the role of a judge. i'm not exactly sure how to describe this without making it too confusing but i'm going to try. (thanks for bearing with me!) this past semester i've had the opportunity to watch mock trial and appellate competitions and a utah supreme court decision. and the thing i've noticed--a pattern--is how incredibly dedicated attorneys are to defending their side/their client. this may seem obvious--of course they would be committed to their client; it's their job. but i guess it seems significant to me when i'm watching a person or partners continue to hold to their side, even when they know (or in my head i'm thinking they must know) their arguments are wrong/flawed. maybe it's bc they don't have a good case or maybe they just don't have good arguments, but it doesn't phase them. attorneys will defend their side until the end. at first i thought maybe it was a pride thing--people care about winning and looking good, so they won't budge even when they know they're losing. they won't admit the other person is right; they just stubbornly defend their side.
BUT--tonight, and i think also during the past competition, i saw things differently. tonight i realized it is a noble thing to defend someone, even if you don't agree with them. crazy right. i used to disagree. i thought i would NEVER put myself in a situation where i had to defend someone i didn't believe in. but i just see things really differently now, and maybe my perspective will continue to grow and change. that seems likely. but the thing i have come to see is an attorney's job is not to be influential in the way maybe we expect to be, or i expected it to be. at least i know i was thinking maybe by being an attorney i can help have an influence in various issues i care about by presenting a case so well--yada, yada, yada. but i don't think that's it anymore. at least, i don't think that's the main goal. rather, i think an attorney's calling is to take care of what he's been given--his client. and it is the judge's role, not ours, to take the arguments and to come up with a decision of how things will be. i don't know if that makes sense (sometimes i don't explain things well, especially things that i'm just starting to think about), but i just feel like there's something to everyone working together, and i think sometimes the way we BEST work together is by knowing our roles and doing them--giving our best--and especially not trying to do each other's roles. i just think of an orchestra. every instrument is different and has a different role in a piece. some are stronger than others, maybe more influential, and it's when everyone is focusing on what they've been given--their part--that there is this beautiful synergy and unity of sound. like a masterpiece. and just bc i think we should all stick to our roles i'm not saying nor do i think that there's absolutely no room to move around or that we can't change roles--i think of it more like there's a time and a season for everything, and as an attorney our time and season is dedicated to our clients. and i also don't think what we do is so defining. it is what we do, but it is not necessarily who we are. anyway, i hope that made sense! i thought it was a great discovery tonight. :)
the other thing i thought about is...
2. i am so excited to be an attorney. weird. i never would've imagined myself saying those words and actually having it feel so right. and all i can say is i am grateful to the lord. AMAZING. he knows us PERFECTLY; and he sees the end from the beginning. no matter how many hard times or discouraging moments we go through, it is so inspiring and encouraging to see the lord CONSTANTLY guiding my life. the lord has taught me so much in the past year, but one thing i have come to see more and more is he has a plan for us. and as we're trying to figure out what to do with ourselves or our lives--where to live, what to do, who to date and later marry, it seems that as long as we are keeping his commandments and honoring our covenants and coming unto christ (not by being perfect or even being our "best" (see brad wilcox's talk "his grace is sufficient"), but by simply exercising our faith and repenting, which in some cases may just involve us trying to move forward), as long as we do that i believe there is NOTHING we can do that will ruin our chances to receive everything he has in store for us--every blessing and every kind of joy he has prepared. so often i think we worry--i know i do--about these decisions, and we think if we choose the wrong one and we should've chosen another one, well then too bad. but i just don't feel it's like that! the lord has shown me time and time again, that sometimes it's like he almost doesn't matter what choice i make, as long as i make a choice, and even if i make a choice that puts me in the wrong place, somehow i end up being in the right place. so it's like i either choose the right place or the wrong place, but either way, as i am seeking and yearning for good things the lord always has a way of helping things to happen as they should.
well that was very long. but i'm glad to write. :)
christmas is coming! yaaaaaaay! i love christmas~~~~~~ :)
i was arguing the side of Hosanna-Tabor Evangelical Lutheran Church and School against a professor i'm ta'ing for, who was representing the side of Cheryl Perich, a former teacher for the school. the case was recently heard by the us supreme court and concerns whether and to what the degree the government can be involved in church employment issues. if you're interested you can fine a basic summary here.
so besides being a really interesting case i also had a few thoughts.
1. the role of an attorney vs. the role of a judge. i'm not exactly sure how to describe this without making it too confusing but i'm going to try. (thanks for bearing with me!) this past semester i've had the opportunity to watch mock trial and appellate competitions and a utah supreme court decision. and the thing i've noticed--a pattern--is how incredibly dedicated attorneys are to defending their side/their client. this may seem obvious--of course they would be committed to their client; it's their job. but i guess it seems significant to me when i'm watching a person or partners continue to hold to their side, even when they know (or in my head i'm thinking they must know) their arguments are wrong/flawed. maybe it's bc they don't have a good case or maybe they just don't have good arguments, but it doesn't phase them. attorneys will defend their side until the end. at first i thought maybe it was a pride thing--people care about winning and looking good, so they won't budge even when they know they're losing. they won't admit the other person is right; they just stubbornly defend their side.
BUT--tonight, and i think also during the past competition, i saw things differently. tonight i realized it is a noble thing to defend someone, even if you don't agree with them. crazy right. i used to disagree. i thought i would NEVER put myself in a situation where i had to defend someone i didn't believe in. but i just see things really differently now, and maybe my perspective will continue to grow and change. that seems likely. but the thing i have come to see is an attorney's job is not to be influential in the way maybe we expect to be, or i expected it to be. at least i know i was thinking maybe by being an attorney i can help have an influence in various issues i care about by presenting a case so well--yada, yada, yada. but i don't think that's it anymore. at least, i don't think that's the main goal. rather, i think an attorney's calling is to take care of what he's been given--his client. and it is the judge's role, not ours, to take the arguments and to come up with a decision of how things will be. i don't know if that makes sense (sometimes i don't explain things well, especially things that i'm just starting to think about), but i just feel like there's something to everyone working together, and i think sometimes the way we BEST work together is by knowing our roles and doing them--giving our best--and especially not trying to do each other's roles. i just think of an orchestra. every instrument is different and has a different role in a piece. some are stronger than others, maybe more influential, and it's when everyone is focusing on what they've been given--their part--that there is this beautiful synergy and unity of sound. like a masterpiece. and just bc i think we should all stick to our roles i'm not saying nor do i think that there's absolutely no room to move around or that we can't change roles--i think of it more like there's a time and a season for everything, and as an attorney our time and season is dedicated to our clients. and i also don't think what we do is so defining. it is what we do, but it is not necessarily who we are. anyway, i hope that made sense! i thought it was a great discovery tonight. :)
the other thing i thought about is...
2. i am so excited to be an attorney. weird. i never would've imagined myself saying those words and actually having it feel so right. and all i can say is i am grateful to the lord. AMAZING. he knows us PERFECTLY; and he sees the end from the beginning. no matter how many hard times or discouraging moments we go through, it is so inspiring and encouraging to see the lord CONSTANTLY guiding my life. the lord has taught me so much in the past year, but one thing i have come to see more and more is he has a plan for us. and as we're trying to figure out what to do with ourselves or our lives--where to live, what to do, who to date and later marry, it seems that as long as we are keeping his commandments and honoring our covenants and coming unto christ (not by being perfect or even being our "best" (see brad wilcox's talk "his grace is sufficient"), but by simply exercising our faith and repenting, which in some cases may just involve us trying to move forward), as long as we do that i believe there is NOTHING we can do that will ruin our chances to receive everything he has in store for us--every blessing and every kind of joy he has prepared. so often i think we worry--i know i do--about these decisions, and we think if we choose the wrong one and we should've chosen another one, well then too bad. but i just don't feel it's like that! the lord has shown me time and time again, that sometimes it's like he almost doesn't matter what choice i make, as long as i make a choice, and even if i make a choice that puts me in the wrong place, somehow i end up being in the right place. so it's like i either choose the right place or the wrong place, but either way, as i am seeking and yearning for good things the lord always has a way of helping things to happen as they should.
well that was very long. but i'm glad to write. :)
christmas is coming! yaaaaaaay! i love christmas~~~~~~ :)
Sunday, November 27, 2011
12 names of christ.
so today i was thinking about something one of my companions told me on my mission. she said while she was at the mtc, and it was christmas time, elder holland came and spoke and talked about 12 names of christ. i don't remember what they all are, although i think i have them written down somewhere, but he picked 12 names and invited the missionaries to take 12 days before christmas to exemplify each of those names.
what a cool thing. and i dont remember if i got this from myself or my companion but the one and only december of my mission, i guess that was 2009, i thought of 12 different names of christ and found 12 different scriptures, and focused on one each month of the year 2010. it was such a neat experience, and i felt that as i prepared the scriptures and things i wanted to focus on for each month that they all ended up being what i needed.
so anyway, lately, and this is kind of a personal thing, but i've been thinking about things that i struggle with--like those things that ultimately keep me from giving everything, from being so one with christ. one thing is this false idea that i have to be this perfect person in order to be special or of worth. most of the time i think i don't believe that and know it's a lie, and i feel comfortable with myself--imperfections and all--bc i know i'm trying, and i know the lord isn't asking me to be perfect, but that life is such a process and the things we struggle with keep us coming toward christ. BUT sometimes! it just isn't that clear to me and i find myself getting lost in pressures i put on myself to be this perfect person in ways that just aren't realistic. and it is something that i struggle with.
but this morning, while i was studying, i had this great thought. i love great thoughts! and new ideas! they are wonderful and so special to me. but i was thinking about the names of christ and also about the principle of replacing bad things with good things (like the example of removing weeds and doing nothing and the weeds come back vs. removing the weeds and planting flowers and the weeds dont grow back but flower blossom). so i thought about the same thing but involving this name of christ thing. i started looking up names of christ and thinking about this issue and i found a few scriptures. i think i came up with about 3 but ended up feeling really good about this one. it's in romans 15:8.
"now i say that jesus christ was a minister of the circumcision for the truth of god, to confirm the promises made unto the fathers:"
now in all honesty, i don't know exactly what that means, but it really stayed with me, and i especially liked the part about him being a minister for truth, which confirms these promises he has made to our fathers and ultimately to us. and so that is the scripture i'm picking, with the purpose to replace a false lie "i'm only special by the things i do" with this name of christ about a truth that confirms promises.
anyway, i wanted to share that as an invitation to anyone else who would like to also do the 12 names thing. i don't know if i'm doing it all year next year; my plan was to just do it up until christmas, and i think i may do more than just one day for each scripture bc i'm starting before dec. 12.
i love christmas!!!!!
what a cool thing. and i dont remember if i got this from myself or my companion but the one and only december of my mission, i guess that was 2009, i thought of 12 different names of christ and found 12 different scriptures, and focused on one each month of the year 2010. it was such a neat experience, and i felt that as i prepared the scriptures and things i wanted to focus on for each month that they all ended up being what i needed.
so anyway, lately, and this is kind of a personal thing, but i've been thinking about things that i struggle with--like those things that ultimately keep me from giving everything, from being so one with christ. one thing is this false idea that i have to be this perfect person in order to be special or of worth. most of the time i think i don't believe that and know it's a lie, and i feel comfortable with myself--imperfections and all--bc i know i'm trying, and i know the lord isn't asking me to be perfect, but that life is such a process and the things we struggle with keep us coming toward christ. BUT sometimes! it just isn't that clear to me and i find myself getting lost in pressures i put on myself to be this perfect person in ways that just aren't realistic. and it is something that i struggle with.
but this morning, while i was studying, i had this great thought. i love great thoughts! and new ideas! they are wonderful and so special to me. but i was thinking about the names of christ and also about the principle of replacing bad things with good things (like the example of removing weeds and doing nothing and the weeds come back vs. removing the weeds and planting flowers and the weeds dont grow back but flower blossom). so i thought about the same thing but involving this name of christ thing. i started looking up names of christ and thinking about this issue and i found a few scriptures. i think i came up with about 3 but ended up feeling really good about this one. it's in romans 15:8.
"now i say that jesus christ was a minister of the circumcision for the truth of god, to confirm the promises made unto the fathers:"
now in all honesty, i don't know exactly what that means, but it really stayed with me, and i especially liked the part about him being a minister for truth, which confirms these promises he has made to our fathers and ultimately to us. and so that is the scripture i'm picking, with the purpose to replace a false lie "i'm only special by the things i do" with this name of christ about a truth that confirms promises.
anyway, i wanted to share that as an invitation to anyone else who would like to also do the 12 names thing. i don't know if i'm doing it all year next year; my plan was to just do it up until christmas, and i think i may do more than just one day for each scripture bc i'm starting before dec. 12.
i love christmas!!!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
memo 3 is DONE!!!!
wow i just have to say i have not felt this happy in a long time! I CAN'T STOP SMILING!! BC MEMO 3 IS DONE!!! WOOOOOOO~~~~~~~
Note. Memo 3 is my worst nightmare. :) just kidding, that is dramatic, but no really that paper was awful. so far i have felt really good about law school and not stressed, but that paper was just so much more intense than i expected it to be. BUT NOW IT'S DONE!!!!!! YIPEEEEEEE!!
i thought this was cute :) i think he (or she?) is asian :)
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