gratitude, example #8

again i should be sleeping but i always feel so grateful this time of night! and without sounding cheezy bc that's not what i'm going for and i don't want it to be taken that way, it's just interesting that there is so much all around me that when i open my eyes to see things as they really are i am just amazed. what am i amazed about? i don't know i guess the list really could go on: i'm amazed how much the lord knows me; i'm amazed that i always seem to end up being in the right place at the right time (which is just so funny bc i feel like i'm always trying to be in the right place at the right time, but it seems like it happens most when i wasn't trying. go figure :p); i feel amazed that i'm given the opportunities i'm supposed to have; i meet the ppl i'm supposed to meet; connect with ppl i'm supposed to connect with; hear things in a way that speaks personally and most meaningfully to me; learn lessons that are applicable to what i'm going through/thinking about/pondering right now.  


i guess the other point to this deals with worry. i worry so much sometimes, although wahoo i've gotten better, even in the past few months. :) but i'm still a worrier, but the lesson the lord is constantly teaching me is faith and patience, aka don't worry so much. still do my best, but i just don't need to worry about things that will work themselves out. it reminds me of this quote i remember reading and listening to often by Pres Hinckley a few years ago. he basically says, get on your knees and ask for the lord's help, then rise to your feet and do what you need to do, AND leave the matter in the hands of the lord. you'll find that you've accomplish something beyond price. i really like that. 


goodnight moon, hello beautiful world~

gratitude, example #5

example #5. i worry so often about things.. where to live, what to do with my contracts, marriage, what i want to do with the rest of my life, internships, my body. and yet everything just seems to work out. and so i can't figure out if it's good to worry or if i should just not care bc things are going to work out anyway. and i think the answer is somewhere in between. and i don't know exactly how to describe it but someone gave me the wonderful and wise advice/counsel that helped me to see more clearly how i can find my own personal balance, though it's not formulaic, just a feeling when i'm doing it. so three years ago next month i had just entered the mtc (missionary training center) as a missionary for my church. i would be gone for the next eighteen months. and i had just taken the LSAT two weeks earlier and was anticipating my grade. 3 days after being in the mtc i got my score back. ugh (that's an ugh with sadness--i was sad). it was bad. and i cried. even though i'm not a crier. and of course bc i'm a worrier, i just worried. but LUCKILY, very very early on, SOMEHOW the lord blessed me t have this realization and go with it. i just felt not to worry, that things were going to work out and if i worried about it, it would be a waste, bc things were going to work out anyway. so i stopped worrying. i exercised my faith, trusted it, and heeded that feeling. and never looked back. and then what do you know? i'm in law school. i didn't come right after i came home, bc i ended up doing something that was right for that time--taking classes to prepare me for law school in the mpa program, working at the mtc in development with the new curriculum, and then as a teacher (to show me how much i love teaching!), and then to be in just an amazing relationship that meant so much to me. which i probably could NOT have done those things, well i definitely could not have done those things had i been in law school. and now i'm in law school. SO the point is that i got from that is i just started to think, i wonder what my mission would have been like had i spent the whole time worrying about law school. luckily god gave me a great imagination and i can really put myself in situations/hypos, and i just clearly saw how much i would've missed. so i am trying to apply that to my life right now and "to be happy in the season i am now in" (thank you elder holland for those words).