it's the most wonderful time of the year :)

i love the arbinger institute! it's amazing. everytime i read i learn something i have NEVER thought of before and it is really refreshing.


today i'm reading about forgiveness, which i think is good to think about this time of year. and to share something a little personal, a few years ago i received a blessing from a really wonderful friend, and in that blessing he said something so specific to me. he told me i needed to forgive the people in my life i hadn't forgiven already. really? there are people that i haven't forgiven? who is that? i don't have any grudges or hard feelings against anyone. do i have hard feelings against someone? that's what i was thinking as the words were coming out and sinking into my head. 


and then almost as if in answer to my question came the words, "the people you need to forgive in your life are you parents." 


no way! really? crazy, i didn't even know i was upset with them? i don't feel like i am. 


so that happened several years ago, i think it was 2008, or maybe even 2007. but then a few months ago i was in church and we were reading in the new testament, and i learned this really interesting thing about forgiveness, and what giving our forgiveness may involve.


2 Corinthians 2:7-8
7| so that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, AND comfort him, lest perhaps [or else] such a one [the person you haven't forgiven] should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.
8| wherefore i beseech you [and now this forgiveness involves] that ye would confirm your love toward him.


interesting. and what i personally learned from that is in order to forgive other, my parents, i not only need to forgive them, but part of forgiving is confirming (i love that word confirm) my love for them to them. which honestly i am not always very good it. but it is something to learn and i am grateful for a life to learn it.


anyway, here is what arbinger says about forgiveness that i really liked that adds a few other thoughts/ideas..
when we forgive genuinely, those we formerly accused suddenly become real for us. we sense their insecurity and anxiety; we perceive something of their struggle to show themselves as worthy and acceptable. . . . 


you can see that in an unexpected and odd way we owe to the people we are able to forgive a very large debt. no matter how reprehensibly they may have treated us, they have provided us with a gift. the gift is their humanity. without their humanity to which we are able to open ourselves, we cannot get ourselves emotionally unstuck no matter how we might try. we cannot do it by denying or repressing our feelings or by willing ourselves to feel differently--feelings are subject to our indirect but not our direct control. we are able to do it only by recognizing, respecting, and yes, revering other as they reallya re, in the fullness of their humanity and vulnerability.


SO good. :)